arshi SS: Hamesha ~ a heartbeat away, chapter 17

Had written this around new year

http://www.india-forums.com/forum_posts.asp?TID=4119969&TPN=109&#p118003315

Chapter 17

A thick fog covered everything as far as the eyes could see. The rain from the day before had caused the temperature to drop sharply. Cutting through the mist a lithe agile figure sprinted through. Arnav Singh Raizada was out on his customary five mile run, a habit that he had developed during his years at Howard School of Business.

For the past five years every morning he had woken up early and head out. He used the time to plan out his day or tackle some exceptionally tricky problem. He liked to stay fit too. Swift and alert, the body, the mind, and the man himself.

Today, his entire concentration was on the pain. He let his ma's scream infiltrate each and every pore. His di's smile clouded his vision. The shehnai rang deafening his ears.

Over time he had grown adept at pushing back the memories until they remained simply a constant reminder of the unfairness and cruelty of life.

The bitter cold wind lashed across his face. He had broken into a sweat.

Shyam Manohar Jha... had meant to cheat on di. The man she worshipped was a two timing.. Lying.. ASR's thoughts came all jumbled. Sharp stabs of memories..The man he had grown to respect. his jeejajji.. Who fawned over his di.. Around whom his astute nani, his shrewd mami all fawned.

Blind. ASR had been blind. Just like he had been blind at fourteen. He had to protect di, but what all exactly was he protecting her from? Would Shyam be foolish enough to have the audacity to pursue the thought of a future with khushi? The thought enraged ASR. He was furious.

Only the steady rhtym of limbs controlled him from reaching that despicable man. He willed himself to think. Was this the only form of betrayal that Shyam had commited?

ASR was not surprised at this thought. Long back he had learnt to rely on his instincts and something inside him was certain that Shyam was upto no good.

Uncharacteristically out of breth ASR waslked in through the front door of Shantivan.


****


Akash's regular pleasant slightly muddled smile was replaced with a perturbed expression. When he saw his bhai enter, he used his forefinger to push his glasses higher up on the bridge of his nose, and stood up. Payal had told him all about his jeejaji...

Akash was used to thinking well of the world. Payal had insisted this was not some horrible misunderstanding, as if one could misunderstand something this bizzare! Akash had felt vaguely stupid even asking Payal if she was sure, but still asked. After all this was jeejaji. The man who had lived with them for the last three years.

The thought that his jeejaji had been ready to cheat on di disturbed Akash immensely. And poor Khushiji dragged into this mess.

Had bhai spoken to di?

He had a lot of questions for ASR. Milder versions mostly of what ASR had already obsessively gone over in his head since last night.

The irony was not lost upon Akash. As kids ASR, he and NK had played hours imagining themselves as detectives. Only this time there was no happy ending to the detective story. Their di was bound to have her heart broken whatever was revealed.

Unlike what people generally thought of ASR Akash knew his bhai enough to not be surprised that Shyam was still in the house. There would be a logical reason he surmised.

There was. As ASR recounted everything it took Akash a while to take in the lies jeejaji had fed di. How could someone lie so brazenly, he wondered.

"Akash I cannot stand the thought of having Shyam anywhere near di. It is driving me insane lekin di.." ASR was sitting on the sofa in Akash's room, his knees apart, head bent over, body held lose.

(but di..)

"Bhai we can't throw the man out if di won't believe us. It will only makethings more difficult for di. Aap jante hai bhai", Akash cautioned.

(you know bhai)

"I know. However there are other things that I can do. That are already getting done". ASR raised his head, a ruthless glint in his eyes.

Akash was familiar with this expression. It didn't come often, but it had been visible before on the cool rugged face of his cousin.The last time bhai had looked this way was when he had made the plan to buy Sheesh Mahal.


****

"Hai re nand kisore. Jisko jaun mann hai taun karo. Go tell everyone about Shyam. Sirf damaadji logan ko kyu bahar barmda mein khare huike chilai diyo nandkisore."

(do what you feel like doing. Why only our son-in-laws go stand outside and shout it out to the world)

Khushi Kumari Gupta flung away the covers, listening groggily to the racket outside. What was buaji shouting about?

She idly considered getting up from bed. Then deciding it was too cold to get up right now she put back the bright fuchsia rajasthani blanket over her head and snuggled inside warm.

She had barely slept last night. Arnavji had dropped her home himself, having refused to allow her to ride back on the scooter in the middle of the night. As if something would happen to her.. as if she could not take care of herself.. as if she needed him..


devi maiyya.. the only reason i let him drop me was because.. She stopped. Then pulled the blanket more securely over her head. In the makeshift darkness, sure that no one would be able to listen in on her thoughts she continued.. I wanted to spend some more time with him. I didn't want the night to end.

All night long she had tossed and turned drifting between flashes of a pair of the most captivating stormy eyes and a shirtless Arnavji who glistened in the moonlight.

Even inside the blanket Khushi blushed a deep shade of red. hey devi maiyya..what all was she thinking.. It was not like she hadn't seen a man without a shirt before. Salmanji was famous for not wearing a shirt, but she hardly blushed thinking of that. This time she clenched her eyes shut willing the thoughts to go away.

Buaji was still in conniption over something. As her words wafted to Khushi she sat up in bed. Looked like her family now knew that the Raizada brothers knew the truth that the Gupta family knew about Shyamji. It was as complicated a sentence to think of as to read and Khushi closed her eyes pressing her fingers to her forehead. Not enough sleep, distracting laad governors and complicated sentences were a terrible combination.

She wandered out of her room lazily, stifling a yawn and surveyed her living room. Buaji was in full form having worked herself into a fit. Her favourite piece of red towel was tightly bound across her forehead and her long luscious plait swung boisterously as she spoke.

Khushi went and sat down next to her amma. Garima gave her a fond smile as Payal spoke up. "buaji we had to tell Akash and Arnavji".

Before her sister-in-law could get in another never ending stream of words Garima spoke up. "jiji achcha hi hua these girls told them everything. Now we don't need to worry".

(it's a good thing)

Khushi squeezed her amma's hand tightly then went to kneel near her babuji who seemed to be smiling. "babuji aap bhi yehi kehte na humein? To tell the truth and then face whatever be the consequences? I am very worried for di.." She paused undecidedly then added softly, "and Arnavji. Both trusted Shyamji".

(you would have told us the same thing right?)

She was startled to see a flash of pain shoot through babuji's eyes. He was shaking his head in an uncontrolled way. What did he want to say? In a strong voice she tried to calm him, "babuji aap mat fikr kijiye. Arnavji will take care of everything. Humein bharosa hain".

(don't worry at all. I have absolute faith that Arnavji will take care ofe everything)

Babuji slowly calmed down, but the overall air in the Gupta household was filled with a sudden sadness. The head of the family, with his wise words, had not spoken for many months now. The doctors had assured them that Shashi Gupta was getting better, but everyone still missed his kind intelligent and affectionate ways.

Suddenly the silence was broken by a loud sniff. Buaji launched herself at Khushi. "sanka devi humka maaf kari diyo. Oo Shyam babua ko hum pehechane naahi. What would have happened if you didn't find out on time".

(please forgive me. I didn't recognize Shyam babua's true colors)

Khushi extricated herself out of buaji large heavy embrace. "hum aapko ek shart par maaf karenge buaji. You have to make me pooris for breakfast, lunch and dinner today".

(I'll forgive you only if..)



After having completed a rather heavy, but definitely mouthwatering breakfast of pooris, Khushi was giggling with Payal, buaji hovering close by as they put out the jars of mango, lime and chilli pickles out in the sun, when Happyji walked upto them and announced, "Khushiji I just wanted to let you know damaadji ke driver ne aaj subah hi humara scooter lauta diya. There was no hurry really, itni takleef kyu ki?"

(today morning itself returned my scooter. Why did you bother?)

Khushi rolled her eyes in despair.. devi maiya why did such things have to happen to her?.. Buaji had already started her interrogation. How in the world was khushi going to get out of this?



A pair of eyes followed the antics of the excited girl from far. They took in her pleading, laughing, happy dancing.

Shyam Manohar Jha in his unassuming brown and white checked plaid shirt had merged with the passing crowd. The only difference from the milleu in Lakshminagar was in his expressions. He was hypnotized by the girl, but his mouth was pulled back into a viscous snarl and a hard to miss depravity was visible in his eyes.

Khushiji had slapped him. And Arnav had dared lay his hands on Shyam's collar. With satisfaction Shyam recollected how he had got the last laugh. His simpering fool of a blind wife had believed his story over her chote's allegations.

Luckily for Shyam he had been right here and had overheard Khushi and Payal talking about revealing his secret to the Raizada's that morning.

Of course he planned to kill off rani sahiba, it was just taking a little longer than anticipated. So, he had planned for a back up. An invaluable highly rewarding inspiring idea really! ASR would not touch him as long as Anjali believed Shyam's story. And by the time she doubted him she would very well be taking her very last breath.


****


The shantivan household had just finished with lunch. In her peacock blue net saree with her favourite set of bangles Anjali looked elegant and fresh from far. However, up close the dark circles under her eyes told a different tale. She was trying to concentrate on cutting the nimki in perfect diamond shapes for Om Prakashji to fry later. Her mind kept insisting on remembering her chote's angry accusations.

She knew he was mistaken, but what she couldn't quite figure out was how could be make such a mistake. She did not doubt even the slightest how sincere he was in wanting to ensure what was best for her. And yet what he said could not be true.

Frustrated she put down the knife and was about to get up when Shyamji walked upto her. He looked annoyed.

"Rani sahiba I had cut a cheque from our joint account for some case related stuff and the bank says it got declined", he was scowling.

"Ha Shyamji, chote told me that there was some problem with my account so I should directly call Aman and get any money I needed for the next few days. Aap abhi ke liye apne account se check de dijiye? Thik hai na?"

(Use your own account for now. is that okay?)

Shyam only looked more ill tempered hearing this. Without replying he was walking away when she called out.

"Shyamji sorry about this confusion. Aap ja kaha rahe hai? You were gone in the morning as well. Tonight we all will be meeting the Gupta family, aapko yaad hai na?"

(where are you going?)

"Humein kaam rehta hai ranisahiba aap nai samjhengi". Though his words were civil enough something in his tone hurt Anjali.

(I have work to do, you won't understand)

Why did he always assume she would not understand about work? It is not like she knew nothing about working hard. When chote had been setting up AR industries she had seen him work day and night. However busy chote would be, if she asked, he had always tried to explain to Anjali what were the problem AR industries was facing. She missed feeling part of all this.

When had her life become entirely about Shantivan food menus, never ending trips to the mandir and waiting for the her husband to return home?


****


"Khushi Arnavji ki amma ki churiyan kitni sundar lag rahi hai tumhare haatho mein. Tumhe yaad hai jab Lavanyaji was angry with Arnavji you had sold your amma's gold bangles apne plan ke chakkar mein. Aaj dekho again your hands have bangles from your amma. Sab achche ke liye hota hai.. hai na?"

(Arnavji's mothers bangle look so pretty on your hands. You remember when Lavanya ji was angry with Arnavji you had sold the bangles for your plan. Everything happens for the good, isn't it?)

Khushi looked at the bangles in her hand and happily shook her hand enjoying the sound they made.

Then with a mischievous grin she put her hands on Payal's shoulder and swung her around to face the mirror in their room.

"Look at your gold bangles jiji. Hello hi bye bye khoon bhari taang ke gold bhare haath". She had managed an uncanny imitation of mamiji complete with the accent and mamiji own form of strutting around.


"ha wo.. Akash took me to the jeweller and we managed to get the size corrected. Lekin Khushi kisiko bolna nai.. warna maaji.."

(don't tell anyone.. )

"Akashji nahi akash.." Khushi sang out giggling.. Then with an exaggerated sigh she swayed and fell on the bed.. "akaaash.."

Payal was also giggling helplessly. "chup kar Khushi", she half heartedly admonished her sister.

(keep quiet)

Khushi was already lost in the feel of the dupatta in her hand. It had intricate gold detailing all over the shaded pink and orange dupatta. The edges had embroidery. Similar embroidered motifs were scattered all over the dupatta.

She put it over her head. A bride. Khushi Kumari Gupta..

How did one see through such a heavy fabric? She pulled the dupatta over her head as a ghunghat. Her vision was definitely obscured, but every sensation felt heightened. dhak dhak dhak.. She was a bride in a ghunghat.

"jeeji isse dekh kaise sakte hai?", she asked anxiously. Getting no answer she turned in a hurry, bumped into the edge of the bed, tripping forward.

As she fell she felt a pair of strong warm arms encase her, as both she and the owner of those arms went sprawling onto the bed.

She lay dazed, dupatta still on her head. He then moved slightly below her. A giveaway heat coursed all over as she realized what had happened. She had fallen on Arnavji!

"Khushi?", he gave a low moan.

She shifted nervously then stilled as he lifted the dupatta covering her face. Arnavji's face was inches from her, his arm comfortably around her waist.

"Now is as good a time as any to tell me tum kar kya rahi ho?"

(what are you doing?)

"hum.. kuch bhi toh nai..", she decided there was no way she was going to tell him she was trying to figure out how one saw through a ghunghat.

"You can sell your amma's bangles for me and not tell me this?", his voice was reproachful, but there was infinite warmth in those eyes. He had heard jiji talk about the bangles..

"You heard?".. How long had he been listening to their conversation for?

He simply nodded before his jaw hardened, "pagal ho gayi thi tum? Apni ma ki churi tumne mere liye bech di? Kyu Khushi?"

(Had you gone crazy? You sold your amma's bangles for me? why?)

She raised her chin full of defiance. "Meri amma ki churi. Main rakhu ya kisiko de dun aapko usse kya?"

(They are my mother's bangles. Whether I keep them or give them away why do you care?)

Her breath had hitched. "Apko kyu farak parta hai Arnavji?" . There was a quiver in the yearning in her question.

(why does it matter to you?)

He didn't move, nor did he let her get up from the bed. She blushed at their scandalous position.

"Why don't you first tell me tum kya kar ri thi?"

(what were you doing?)


Hmpph.. Laad governor.. Always trying to come out better in a deal..

"hum.. hum aapko nai bata sakte hai Arnavji. Let me go", she wriggled. His hold around her waist only got stronger.

(I..I can't tell you)

Those bangles meant the world to her, but his happiness. It was vital. That was so long ago. When there was Lavanyaji..

A surprising flash of possessiveness exploded within her. He is mine.. And I am his.. Without conscious thought she snuggled closer to him.

She could not quite recall if they were talking about the bangales, or her ghunghat or about farak parna and why. She was hopelessly distracted by the intimacy of their fall.

"darling did I not tell you this yesterday? Tum mujhe kuch bhi bata sakti ho. Tumhara hone wala pati jo hun..", if possibly she felt herself go redder..dhak dhak dhak.. Her heartbeat was so loud, even then she had clearly heard his words.

(You can tell me anything. I am after all your would be husband)

And when had he started calling her.. She swallowed hard.. darling.. hey devi maiyya.. She felt light headed and in near panic.


"Arnavji koi.. koi aa jayega", she exclaimed.

(someone will come)

"aane do", was his reply. Khushi felt herself shiver at his words.

"par di..", she tried again, a little less persuasive this time.

"Payal is with Akash outside. Aunty, uncle, buaji with nani and mami are also outside", he answered calmly, his voice shaking with suppressed amusement at her panicked state.

"The faster you tell me, the faster I might think of letting you go, you know?", his eyes glittered with mischief and other things that Khushi could not really name.

"If you are shy to say it out loud, want to whisper in my ears"? A smirk followed.

She gave up struggling. "I was trying to see ki ghunghat pehen ke dikhta kaise hai? Ab choriye humein", she disentangled herself from him and pushed herself up. He sat up too, much more slowly.

(How do you see through the veil. now leave me)

Both sat close to each other, at the every edge of the bed. "besharm.. Laad governor..", she mumbled darkly, but made no further move of walking away.

Her legs felt unsteady and the acidity attack was much stronger than usual. Standing up would not be such a good idea right now.

"umm Khushi bhabhi.. Chote.. humne kuch nai dekhe.. ". They looked around to see Anajli hovering near the door, her hand covering her eyes. She withdrew hastily closing the door behind her.

(I didn't see anything)

Khushi wanted to jump inside the blanket and cover herself, maybe splash some ice water on her inflamed cheeks.

That.. that laad governor was still smiling.. What would di think? Sitting on the bed.. So close.. in her room.. alone..

She glared at him and got up from the bed, only to be smoothly pulled back by him. She landed onto his chest and they went sprawling on the bed again.

"Well ab jab di ne humein dekh hi liya hai then might as well make a little good use of this time", he chuckled.

(Now that di has seen us)

"So where were we?" With a self assured air he leant forward and captured her lips in his, confident that she wanted the kiss as much as him. She did want the kiss as much as him.

Ride back home

The good thing about having written close to 100 blog posts is that now I get the privilege of being able to reference back. So, here is my post about what places in between do to us -
http://aarwensspells.blogspot.com/2014/06/of-places-in-between.html

It was 7 in the evening. Dusk was well on its way. It was spring with its promise of the slightest of showers. Tired, irate I stepped out of my office building. There was more office work to do, there was no way I would write. 

I am here. Writing. And you ask me why?

A cab driver, a man who looked a mixture of a benevolent Albert Einstein and my dadaji, pulled up right on time. I got into the car. There were flowers in the cup holder. Lavender and bright sunny yellow. A little droopy, must have been there the whole day. A tiny smile perked up within me. 

He started the car engine, and spoke with a friendly air, about which route we would take to go home. I thought, it was going to be a talkative ride home. The next thing he asked me was, "how was your day?". 

Now people ask you that all the time. Like most others I reply like a well oiled machine, "good", or, "fine", depending on which part of the world I am in. Hardly anyone really want s to know how you are. Or so many answers would not start with either of these 2 words. 

I wanted to rebel. Today I said, "tired". And the messiah in disguise said, "There are chocolates in the seat next to you". "Have some", he offeres. And this time I did smile. Widely.

Much later someone sensible will remind me I should not take chocolates from strangers. Sad, isn't it? Being anyone in this world in this era where we should not trust anyone..

At that moment however, for the first time in what felt like a very long day, I relaxed.With the eagerness of a kid, I unwrapped the silver wrapper. I popped that chocolate in my mouth and felt it melt, the sweetness trickling down my throat, washing away a bad day. 

Then I wondered, who did I make this happy today? No one. In fact, I did not even make my self happy today. Most definitely, that's the problem.

Frank and Claire Underwood

Nothing is forever - Except us

~ Frank Underwood to Claire Underwood

Have you heard about the Mandala paintings that the buddhist monks spend weeks making? A fine precise art of creating a mandala with colored sand. And then after it is complete, all that hard work, it is blown away. The sand mixed with the seas, so that the water carries the prayers with it.

Magnificent, isn't it? Well, I think so. Most definitely. A metaphor for how nothing stays forever. The action has a sense of meditation, and letting go of the end result, holds the promise of zen.

So, why am I talking about Tantric Buddhism instead of Netflix Original Series, The House of Cards? Because in an extremely ruthless, selfish, often vindictive world a group of monks worked on a sand painting in an episode in Season 3.

**Warning House Of Cards Spoiler Up till season 3 Ahead**

House of Cards for me has never been as much about the story line as about individual performances and impactful moments. 

Kevin Spacey and Robin Wright get great dialogues, closeups and dramatic music. 

We get Zoe Barnes thrown under the train. Metchum kissed by our power couple. Spitting at god, and I do mean it quite literally. A web of lies and manipulations, a man rising through the ranks to become a Vice President. Not to settle for that he aims to be the next president of the United States Of America. In the final scene from last season, the camera zooms in, as the president knocks on wood on his desk in the Oval office.

Plot development wise I think season three was not too strong in the political department. We were bogged down by Rachel and Doug's unnecessary tiresome quest to find her. Russian President, Petrov,  was a slime ball. I learnt what Kremlin is.

There was one new character who intrigued me. The writer, Tom Yates. Right from the beginning I had a hunch that his association with Claire would get interesting. There were so many layers of deceit that as a viewer we can never be sure what exactly is the truth of the President and his first Lady.

As he started digging deeper in what made the Underwoods click I ruminated about that too. 

When was it exactly that I had started to like this couple? As individuals they were ruthless. Frank had not one ounce of altruisim in him and Claire could be cold and unfeeling just as easily as her husband. Together, they were brutal.

Still, I liked them. As a couple. They worked. They got each other. Seemed to respected each other. And did not have to pretend to each other.

They cheated on each other. Both did. Then they forgave each other and seemed to move on. I watched disbelieving, surely no one who lived this way had a perfect relationship.

Strangely, somewhere around the nights when they sat sharing a cigarette at their house window I realised maybe I was wrong. Maybe, they do love each other. 

Whenever a crisis came they did not have platitudes or shoulders for each other. "tell me if you need anything".."i'm here for you".. "is there anything I can do".."what do we do?" That's all they ever seemed to say.

Like the writer said in his unfinished book, they were made from the same atoms, bound together by the power they craved and the efficiency that was in their bones. 

I will never know if normal people can be this way, but what I do know is that many episodes back I had stopped judging and only believing in the strength of this relationship. What it gave to both parties involved. It seemed to empower them to reach the heights they desired. It grounded them, and managed to set them free at the exact same time. It was exhilarating to see them jog together at night when their world was literally coming apart. A sense of stability in an otherwise crazy relationship.

He would spend the nights playing video games on a couch. She would come kiss him and go off to sleep. And still I believed that this couple was here to stay.

When all throughout season three a troubled Claire seemed to be cut off from everyone around it was unsettling. I did think Frank tried to reach out to her, but did he? Could he not see she was messed up inside. Badly.

So, what went wrong I am trying hard to unravel. I think the answer lies in what Claire admits. They stopped talking. Oh, they still spoke about Russia and the UN and the hard to satisfy Congress. 

What they forgot to address was how they were slowly drifting apart.  And how lonely it made them. Oh yes it did. I could feel the sadness from across the screen. Right from the very first episode of the new season, right through my binge watching of all the episodes.

She left him. Perhaps, the visionary in Frank Underwood has to admit defeat. Even he and his other half are not meant to always be.

arshi SS: Hamesha ~ a heartbeat away, chapter 16

Another year about to pass with ASR and Khushi safely tucked in my heart.

This chapter is dedicated to rk2127. Thank you for your wonderful thoughts.



Chapter 16

The rain continued to pour down heavily, fogging the glass. Inside the SUV, in the little ambient light that shone, Khushi Kumari Gupta stared in shock at Arnav Singh Raizada.

"shaadhi? Marry now? Arnavji we can't marry now. Nobody else is here..."

"Shut up Khushi". His face was inches away from hers. Breath still hot and unsteady from the heady kiss they had shared. In a languorous movement he moved back straightening himself.

"I did not say.. now.. Waise agar tum chahti ho toh we could head back to your temple aaj hi. From my limited knowledge about your shaadi nonsense it requires just two people.. the bride and the groom.."

(If you wish we could head back to the temple today itself)

The violence inside him, which had been clearly visible in his stormy eyes, had dissipated somewhere within the last few minutes. She could not bear to see him torn and in agony as he had clearly been. She knew she had to play along, if only to stop that tormented look to return.

"Haw", she exclaimed in indignation.

He gave a wry smile. Then using the back of his two fingers he trailed the contour of her face from her cheekbone down to the tip of her chin. He had grown weary.

The rain had stopped as abruptly as it had started. In the still silence she could hear her heart beating against her chest. She saw his adam's apple move down. They sat this way, he stroking her skin, she feeling his fingers against her cheek.

In a fierce voice, the words rushed out of him, "I don't know how many goddamn hours I spent tonight scorning the idea of marriage. Ma.. Di.. Deceit sweeps in and devours innocent pure lives.. I was burning in hell Khushi when I reached here, determined to take you home and rid your head of this stupid idea of marriage.. And then I realized I couldn't bear tears in your eyes.. "

"ye kya kar diya tumne mere sath khushi"? .. He slumped against his seat, his head flung backwards staring out of the moon roof. The hood had always been closed, Khushi never knew she could she the sky above her right from inside his car.

(what have you done to me?)

"shukriya Arnavji.. aap nai aate toh..", she whispered, her voice breaking again.

With his head still resting on the seat headrest he turned sideways facing her. A slight smile played across his lips as he said, "aana toh tha hi".

She smiled back.

Did caring for someone make you feel all grown up from inside? devi maiyya.. he came.. He was here in front of her.. strangely she felt fiercely protective towards him and at the same time wanted to hide in his arms and feel safe.

"Khushi stop talking to yourself..", his voice startled Khushi out of her conversation with devi maiyya. Her spirits plummeted when she realized they had reached right in front of her house. The lights were dim, but the house was not completely in darkness. She wondered who was awake waiting for her. Even then, she did not want to leave Arnavji.

There was so much she wanted to ask him. What would he tell di? Had he already spoken to her? Was she okay? Was he?.. Devi maiyya ghar itni jaldi kyu aa gaya..

He had walked upto her side and opened her door. She remained seated, desperate wishing to stay a minute longer with him. How could she be away from him?

He seemed to read her mind expertly figuring out the cause of her hesitation. "Khushi .. I am fine. mujhe di ko sab batana hoga.. tum ghar jao". His jaw was set firm, a determined look. He had honed a warrior stance, every muscle alert.

(I need to tell di everything. You go home)

She got out of the SUV slowly and walked a few steps past him. Quickly she turned and lifted her right hand waving. "bye Arnavji".

He strode towards her and caught her wrist, spreading out the palm that had in dark crimson the word, 'Arnav'. With his thumb, treading lightly, perhaps afraid it would get wiped away, he traced the letters. Then picking up her other hand, which still clutched his ma's letter, he stared unblinking at the initials, "K G R".

He bent down and kissed her palm. She could feel his lips tremble for an instant against her cold skin. Then in a flash he was gone .

Khushi walked up to the front door. Payal opened the door even before Khushi could knock.

Payal was back to her comfortable cotton lime kurti. Her hair was in a loose plait and not a inkling of sleep apparent. She anxiously took in Khushi's still quite wet hair, but refrained to ask questions where there was even the remotest possibility of buaji waking up.

The two sisters made there way to their room. Khushi walked right upto the drawer and pulled out the small trinket box, where she carefully placed the folded sheet of paper. Along with a leaf, a glittering sequin was now ma's letter to her daughter-in-law.

Silently, deep in thought she changed out of her lehenga. It had been a whirlwind of a day. Khushi had never thought it was possible to even experience so many different emotions at one time. Then again, from the night she had met Arnav Singh Raizada, her life had never really been the same.

She was never certain of what would come next. Would he be angry or caring? Would he shout at her or whirl her in a dance? She did not know. What she knew unquestionably was that she was certain of one thing. She wanted him in her life. Badly.

Picking up her devi maiyya she fervently prayed for Arnavji and di. In the morning, before the chaos of the mehendi had started, Khushi had placed the new red chunari on the idol. She had put the jari border on the chunari herself. Devi maiyya appeared to look back at Khushi kindly.

All she wanted to do was succumb to the overpowering need to sleep. Her eyes were closing, but there were still things to do. Arnavji, right now, might be telling di everything, Khushi needed to tell her jiji too. She turned too Payal who was putting up their pink mosquito net.

"Jiji I told Arnavji everything about Shyamji . You should also tell jeejaji everything".



****


The numerous lights in the Shantivan hall were all dimmed when ASR walked in. The furniture was still lined against the walls leaving the center space open.

"Di kaha hai?", he asked Om Prakash, who had opened the door.

(Where is di?)

"Apne kamre mein hongi Anjali di", OP could sense ASR's moods. And this particular one was one to fear.

(She should be in her room)

Without wasting another second ASR sprinted up the stairs to his di's room. He was not the one to rehearse what he would say. ASR thrived on action. Di needed to know the truth and then they would deal with the repercussions together.

"di..", ASR burst into her room. Only she was not there. Shyam Manohar Jha stood before him, still in his heavily embroidered too red kurta.

"saale saab aap yaha? This late at night. Is everything all right?"

(you here?)

"Mujhe sab pata chal gaya hai.. Jeejaji". ASR spat the last word out and reached out for Shyam's collar.

(I have come to know everything)

Shyam winced at the iron grip, his mind ticking furiously.

His already large eyes turned bigger as he spoke. The words were not of apology and the tone steadily grew in condescension.

"I have no idea what you are talking about saalesaab. We can surely discuss whatever is the matter in a sane fashion. Aise dimag garam karne se kuch hasil nahi hota saalesaab, humne aapko kitni baar ye baat samajhai hai".

(With a hothead you will not gain anything, have I not explained this to you innumerable times?)

ASR shook him vigorously, his eyes ablaze with fury. He could not believe how he had let himself be taken in by this swine. Through gritted teeth he warned, "Stay away from my di.. Shyam.. Don't you dare.."

"chote.." , Anjali had walked into the room with the latest pile of ironed clothes. She let go of the pile, stunned to see chote and Shyamji clearly in a fight. She had also heard his words. Chote threatening Shyamji..

ASR let go of Shyam. His anger replaced by worry. He strode over to Anjali.

His voice reverberated with sincerity and concern, "di jeeja.. shyam betrayed you. All this time he has been lying to you. Jhooth bola usne aapse.. Hum sab se. He posed as buaji's paying guest. He is the one Khushi was engaged to. This lying deceitful son of.."

(he lied to you.. to all of us)

"bas karo Arnav..", her words pounded in ASR's ears. He reeled. Di never ever called him Arnav. Never.

(Stop it)

"di aap samajh nai rahi hai.. He kept his marriage a secret.. He..", ASR spoke softly, almost beseeching his angry di to understand.

(You are not understanding)

"tum nai samajh reh Arnav", her voice cut in, face harsh.

(You aren't understanding)

"di aap aise kyu keh rahi hai? And why are you calling me Arnav. I know this is a shock to you, but..", he had taken her hand, but she jerked away.

(Why are you saying such things?)

She moved to Shyam, her limp very pronounced, who extended his hand and caught her. ASR had not anticipated hostility. Neither had he even remotely considered the possibility of di denying to believe him. He tried to absorb what was happening, an helpless overpowering him, which would only intensify after hearing Anjali's coming declaration.

"Tumhe galat lagta hai Arnav. Humare Shyamji humse kuch nai chupate hai. If you would have given him a chance to explain he would have, par apne gusse ke samne tum khud ko kho dete ho".

(You think wrong. My Shyamji does not hide anything from me.. In front of your anger you lose yourself)

What the hell was di talking about! ASR eyed Shyam with disgust, but held his tongue. Di was already angry enough. His gut feeling now clearly registered this man was up to no good, but he had to tread with extreme caution.

"Shyamji has been feeling awful about it. So he finally told me everything, and bhagwan ka laakh laakh sukhr hai he did nai toh pata nahi aaj kya ho jata, if I would have believed you".

(Thank god he did otherwise who knows what would have happened today)

ASR did not like this feeling of grasping in the dark, unsure of what it was he was supposed to find in the first place. His di couldn't have forgiven adultery. Or could she?

"di aap use maaf kaise kar sakti hai? You were his wife, all these months. And he.. decided to make a play at Khushi..", his voice broke, a hollow ringing as he said her name. the feelings came crashing. di.. Khushi.. In repeat the names kept playing in his mind. This man had wronged both and di was about to forgive him? How was that possible?

(How can you forgive him?)

"Bahut hua Arnav..", she rebuked sharply. di had lifted her hand, putting a stop to his words.

"How can you say such things about this decent man.. Humare pati hai ye.. You are delusional.. He and Khushi bhabhi.. For a case he needed to investigate a suspect in lakshminagar. So he stayed as a paying guest in buaji's house. Us samay ye nahi jaante the ki Khushiji hi hai wo jo humare ghar aati hai Lavanyaji ko seekhane. Buaji ko laga Shyamji should marry Khushi bhabhi and it was all a confusion. He did not want to blow his cover, Khushi bhabhi ke babuji ki tabyat kharab ho gayi.. He did not want to say no and increase the family's woes. You know the rest.. Remember how upset Khushi bhabhi was with her engagement? And then it all broke.. Because Shyamji broke it. He is very sorry about all the confusion and I have forgiven him."

(He is my husband. At that time he did not know Khushiji was the same girl who used to come to our house to teach Lavanyaji. Buaji thought Shyamji should marry Khushi bhabhi. Her father's health took a worse turn..)

ASR could not believe the audacity of Shyam. To cook up such baseless senseless lies. For a second he felt exasperated with his di, how could she believe this crazy story?

He saw Shyam's smug face. "di meri baat suniye.. Why would he have kept quiet for so long agar yehi sach hota toh?", he knew the words were useless.

(listen to me.. why would he have kept quiet for so long if this was the truth?)

"Why did the Gupta family keep quiet? It was no one's fault. It was an embarrassing mistake. Bas. I know you are worried about me, but there is nothing to worry about", she had calmed down a little.

"par dii..", there was nothing he could say at this moment that would make even the slightest difference.

(but dii)

"chote hum thik hai", this time she was gentle.

(I am fine)

"apna khayal rakhna di. And I am always there", he turned around, striding out of the room.

(take care of yourself)



****

Utterly vexed at the incredible nonsense that Shyam had fed di ASR unbuttoned his waistcoat and flung it onto the bed. His jet black shirt followed. Freeing the ends of the shirt from his trousers, he tossed it in the same direction.

Shyam was still in this house. Sprouting lies that di blindly believed. ASR had to make sure he dare not hurt her.

His mind was working furiously. How was he going to protect his di from this? He took out his blackberry from his pocket and dialed a number that was ingrained in his muscle memory. "Aman I need you to do this.."

He was deep in conversation with Aman, when his phone beeped against his ear. He would have ignored it, but out of instinct he checked. It was Khushi.

He would call her back, he decided. However, within seconds her number flashed up as waiting again. This time he did cut the call with Aman. Aman had been handed out precise instructions, and ASR was certain it would get done.

He answered her call. "Haloo", came a whisper from the other end. Almost in wonder ASR could feel the weight fall of his bare shoulders. He shook his head, how could just her voice, that too from across a phone, make him feel rejuvenated.

"sab so re hai.. Is that why you are whispering darling?", even at his moment, he felt flippant. He wanted to see the blush slowly spread over her cheeks. Maybe he would take out his SUV and drive upto her house.

(everyone's asleep)

"umm .. wo..", she was clearly tongue tied.

He grew serious gradually. She did not usually call him this late. Was everything okay?

"Tell me Khushi.."

She mumbled something which he had a hard time understanding.. Wait.. What the? Had she just said she was outside Shantivan?

He dashed to the front door and opened it. She was there peering cautiously. In her green kurti, her hair in a tight plait, resplendent in the moonlight. She had her multicolor jhola slung across her shoulder.

"What the?! How did you get here?".

She did not say a word, her nose had grown red and she was avoiding looking at him. What was wrong with this girl? First she had managed to come to him in the middle of the night and then she was not even looking at him.

A midnight rendezvous with khushi Kumari Gupta! This girl did the most outrageous things.

"khushi what happened? Why are you here and why are you staring at that rose bush?"

"aap.. aap ne shirt nai pehni hai Arnavji", she gulped, and meekly replied. If possible her cheek had grown darker, almost radiating heat. She bit her lower lip nervously.

He smirked. His voice dropped to ragged murmur, "You can stop trying not to look at me. In fact you can stare at me all you want". It had hardly seemed possible, but his tone went huskier, "hone wala pati jo hun.. samjhi tum?"

(am your future husband.. understood)

Her hand fisted her dupatta, eyes refusing to leave the floor.

Barely concealing his laughter he ordered in the most intimate whisper, "Come.."


She followed him to his room. Did the laad governor frequently walk around without a shirt and open doors that way too? Besharm.. She thought angrily.. but butterflies inside her fluttered around quite non-angrily...

He shrugged into a sweat shirt. She liked him in his home clothes she decided. The new found voice inside her, that seemed to have a lot to say where Arnavji was concerned, sternly reminded her she liked him in office clothes as well.

"You wanted to talk khushi?", he inquired.

"I was worried for you. Aapne di ko bataya? Wo thik hai Arnavji?", she looked at him anxiously, sensing the change that came over him hearing the question.

(did you tell di? Is she okay?)

He walked to the french window and sat down on the single step that led out to the poolside. She sat down next to him.

"di did not believe me Khushi. Shyam ne unhe pehle hi jhooth mein uljha diya hai. I.. I am helpless". ASR was not used to sharing his problems with anyone. Saying the words out loud gave them credence, but he knew Khushi deserved an explanation of what was happening.

(Shyam had already filled her head with lies)

"Laad governor and helpless.. Ye ho nahi sakta Arnavji.. You will find a way.. Humein bharosa hai..", her clear innocent eyes had a bright glow in them. Her voice was firm. She looked at him as if he was invincible.

(This won't happen Arnavji.. I have faith in you)

He longed to believe in her confidence. He regarded her with wonder. She could be so much fun, carefree one minute and then act in the most mature manner in the very next.

With full concentration she fished about inside her bag and withdrew a round steel tiffin box. Opening it revealed the expected.

"When I am worried I like to eat jalebi Arnavji", she explained, taking a huge bite.

He swiftly pulled her close and laid a kiss on her forehead, "You will have your dreams come true. Even if it is the only thing I do".

She looked at him and smiled, beautiful and serene. Then held out a jilebi to him. In a conspiratorial whisper she said, "You can take a small bite. This has sugar, but take a small bite jaldi.."

(quickly)

He nibbled at the jilebi she had held out and continued to watch her stuff the remaining in her mouth.

A thought struck him. "how did you get here Khushi?"

She beamed at him. "I borrowed Happyji's isscooter"..

He burst out laughing and she rushed in panic to place her hand on his mouth in an attempt to muffle the sound.. Laad governor.. What if someone woke up and found them.. hey devi maiya..

Goodbye Twenty Six

It is Aarwen's birthday today. Rather, since its already past midnight, she is already twenty seven. How could I sleep without a blog post?

How does one feel at 27 I wonder? There are days when I feel a hundred and days when I am convinced that I am all of sixteen and this is some muddled surreal dream.

My friends on my online forum (if you have been paying attention you already know of it, for the new entrants it is India Forum where I made friends over a TV show. We call it IPK) posted messages for me. It was strangly overwhelming. Reading their words of encouragement and compliments I almost want to be worthy of those things that they said of me.

I also watched a movie with lazywiz. Imitation Games. Alan Turing who solved the Enigma and won a war. It was for real.

I can't even begin to comprehend how wires and silicon chips form series of what we expertly call binary data. How this binary data displays into legible text and colorful images on our screens, how this binary data streams into music on our headphones, how these series of zeroes and ones transmit over wires, across oceans and get converted to an intelligent interpretation. And how it is the same chip that make the infinite decisions on what should be sent, what should be received, what to decode and what has already been encoded.

I am a software engineer. I have learnt Physics and all about computers and there I sat in the hall as much, or most probably even more, in awe of the invention than the people next to us.

Inventions. The wheel, steam engine, electricity, penicillin, computers. What our children will take for granted just got introduced when I was young. I have lived half my life without internet or a cell phone. 

I have been blessed to not face a war. Not have to know how to go hungry, not watch my country devastate, not see people I love annihilate. I get to be atleast in theory equal to the men around me. 

There is a couplet that I abide by, that I want to remind myself.

"Sai itna dijiye jame kutumb samaay
Main bhi bhuka na rahu saadhu na bhuka jaye"

A rough translation would be.. god give me so much that it is enough for me  and my family, that neither I go hungry nor any good person in need goes away hungry from me.

Think of it that way and how blessed am I! I get to feel inspired to write watching and reading anything and everything. I feel inspired to be exceptional in the work I do. With the person I live I get inspired. I feel loved by him. I love him. I get to enjoy the air, the wind, the rain, the sun, the stars, the grass, the trees, the flowers. I enjoy the words, the silences.

Touch wood.

I will sleep tonight with a grateful heart. Thank you god.

Out of the blue this song played day before and I fell in love with it. yes its time to open the cage and fly. There is so much I want to do, so much I want to be, and the best thing in the world is I have opportunity. It won't always be simple, but it is what I want to do. It isn't something big, but it is still worth doing because I desire it. So, I should do it. 

And if you are about to go too after your dreams, in the process let us pledge to remember to keep it simple, have fun and be ourselves.

Misery

In vain do I strain,
a single sound
that would ease this pain.
In torment I lie,
face down
and cry.
Why don't you come,
to hold me;
set me free?
Bring back the smile,
that has been gone
only a little while.
Why does the heart
feel torn?
Bleed,
till the hurt
seeps,
mercilessly
in each pore.
This that I say,
is forever true.
My anger,
as my love
is for thee;
As vital as breath
you are for me.
There is darkness
in me.
There is loneliness,
but in this moment
there lies, but vast emptiness.
Come hold me
set me free.
Rock me in your arm,
keep me away from harm;
not much that I demand.
I do need
only you.
Apart, alone
I lay torn.
Heed my call,
save me from this fall.

arshi SS: Hamesha ~ a heartbeat away, chapter 15

"It is an ancient need to be told stories. But the story needs a great storyteller." - Alan Rickman , the man who played professor Snape.

This chapter is dedicated to Indi52. Thank you for writing about Iss Pyaar Ko Kya Naam Doon. You keep ASR and Khushi alive, there is something new each time, just as lovely every time.





Chapter 15

"wo.. wo Shyamji the.. unhone di ko dhoka diya..humein dhoka diya.. Shyamji bahut bure insaan hai Arnavji.."

(it was Shyamji.. he bretrayed di.. he betrayed me.. he is a very bad man Arnavji)

Silver strands of moonlight streamed on the dark rippling water in the shallow rectangular pool. Tiny fairy lights blinked to the rhythm of two heartbeats. A sweet fragrance of roses suffused into the chilly night.

In a haze Khushi Kumari Gupta's voice reached Arnav Singh Raizada's ears.

His hold on her slender shoulder had been gentle a second ago. As she spoke, tears glistening on her stricken face, his grasp progressively tightened, till she was wincing under his vice like grip.

"Enough".. His voice rose razor sharp. She was sobbing hysterically, her words still did not seem to penetrate to his brain. His mind refused to process the words. So they fell onto his ears and wilted away, never reaching a state of coherency.

He shook her roughly. She let him.

Somewhere far off in a corner inside him he found himself wonder how slender she really was. That part of him almost longed for her to object, then have her break into her sunny guile free smile and say it was all a joke.

Jeejaji.. No.. Shyam.. Was cheating on di.. And had wanted to marry..

ASR could not bear to complete the thought.. It would take an intolerable form..Khushi was his..

No she wasn't.. a voice roared out in agony inside him.. She had secrets.. Things he knew nothing about..

Khushi made a movement, to take his hand probably. He didn't wait to find out.

"Get out.." His face was ashen.

"hum nai get out..", for this once she braved his wrath and determinedly took her hand in hers.

"Arnavji hum aapko batana chate the.. I should have told you everything.. I did come.. Devi maiyya ki kasam.. But I saw di and I couldn't.. humse unka dil toda nai gaya". She pleaded, urgently stroking his hand.

(I wanted to tell you everything.. I swear on devi maiyya.. but I could not break her heart)

He focused on gulping in air. And tried to allow her words to reach him.

"Arnavji aap sun reh hai na? I know how you must be feeling. par.. hum di ke khatir chup the.. plea.."

(you are listening right? but.. I was silent for di's sake..)

He wrenched his hand free, with a wild force that caused her to lose balance. She stared at him.

"Leave. main tumhare bare main sahi sochta tha. tum jaisi larki..." Something stopped him. He swallowed hard, and with what felt like super human effort spoke again. This time is voice was deadly calm. Through gritted teeth he said, "tumhari kisi baat ka koi koi matlab nahi. Go.."

(I was right about you.. a girl like you..)
(Your words hold no meaning to me.)

Then he lashed out with fully force, in blazing fury, "I said go..now.."



****


She stumbled out of the poolside. Her world had just shattered into a million scattered fragments, just like the mug that lay on the floor. Would Arnavji ever forgive her?

Blind with tears obscuring her vision, she rushed out of Shantivan.. but where would she go? Her feet slowed down, a terror had taken over her. What if Arnavji never ever wanted to see her again? A wretched choking cry escaped her and her body shivered.

What would Anavji do now? What if in anger he did something dreadful? She wanted to be near di. Would Arnavji tell her the truth about Shyamji? devi maiya raksha karna... fervently Khushi prayed.

She rubbed off tears from her soaked face, still whimpering, when she reached outside the temple.

The temple compound that in the mornings would be full of comfortable sounds, crowded with people, aroma of desi ghee sweets, camphor, flowers, was now deserted. The trees swayed, their shadows dancing in an eerie wild abandon. Heavy brass bells clanged.

Khushi was scared. Was devi maiyya also unhappy with her? She crumpled on the bottom most courtyard step, buried her head in her knees and cried.

****

"Hello hi bye bye.. phatee saree ko silber kanganj aur Misuj Manorama Raijada ki bahuriya ke empty handwa.. bahutehi nainsafi hai gabbar"

(Phatee saree gets silver bangles and Mrs Manorama Raizada's daughter-in-law will remain empty handed.. this is highly unfair)

Anjali had found mami and nani together and told them how she had given khushi bhabhi the bangles carefully treasured all these years for chote's bride.

Nani had smiled fondly at the lingering memory of her daughter as she had shown them the bangles. How beautiful they were!

Mami, however, had gone off in her tangent direction. And soon not only her thoughts, but her entire heavy body, also moved off in a tangent direction.

Deviyani Raizada shook her head at the foibles of her daughter-in-law. Atleast one thing she consented to, life in Shantivan had never been dull after her son had married Manorama.

"nani chaliye.. Who knows what mami is upto? Payal bhabhi might need our saving", Anjali tugged at her arm.

"Payal bitiya ko bachane ke khatir Akash bitwa hai na", nani giggled, well aware how her grandson was smitten by the terribly well-mannered sweet girl.

(Akash is there to save Payal)

Both followed in the direction of the whirlwind resembling mami.

Manorma Raizada corned an embarrassed looking Akash and a scared Payal. Usually Manorma was one of those people who spent time in building up an atmosphere. What was the point of doing a deed without hyping in up, had always been her sound reasoning.

Today she went for a different tactic. Straight to the point. With extreme difficulty, panting and puffing, she pulled out the first heavy gold bangle from her hand. She grimaced as she put in all her energy reserves in pulling out the second bangle.

The shopkeeper needed to be called and shouted at for sure. His sizing was all wrong. He had said that she, Manorma, needed a large size. Of course she did not! She only ate organic low fat food. Anyone who glanced upon her could tell how silim and tirim she was, only the shop keeper needed to get his eyes checked and the sizes of bangles fixed.

She had been thinking all this, when completely out of breath, she realized Payal was also trying to pull at the bangle.

"maaji allow me to help". Before she got a chance to warn her daughter-in-law to keep her hands away, the bangle slipped over the last stretch of bulging flesh, right into Payal's open palm.

"hoonh.. khoon bhari taang.." was all she said as she slid the too large heavy bangles onto Payal's wrist.

"hello hi bye bye..".. And she gone, leaving behind a confused future-daughter-in-law staring at the bangles that were sure to fall off her slender wrist.

"Akashji..", Payal was about to ask if he had understood what any of this was about, when she noticed Anjali ji and dadiji show up.

Anjali was laughing gaily. Her mami could be highly entertaining at times.

That is how ASR saw his di, as he walked out of the poolside, to find her.

He halted mid step. What was he going to tell her? The truth... but what was the truth?.. He had barely registered anything that khushi had said.. He knew close to nothing.. Except that Shyam did not deserve to spend another second in his di's presence.

di was still giggling and talking. He had to tell her, but what would he say?

Had Khushi been stuck in a similar dilemma? What to say when your words would surely wound and maul?

He spun around, picked up the SUV keys from the hall counter and walked out.

****

He had first heard of Shyam Manohar Jha when nani had mentioned him during evening tea. She had said, they had met a decent learned man in the temple that morning.


He remembered wondering at that time why was it important enough for nani to mention the man.


The next time Shyam was mentioned in Shantivan was during breakfast. Mamiji had asked di if the lawyer saab was going to come for the Shivratri puja. Di had blushed and said she did not know what his plans were.


ASR had known what he would need to do next. Immediately after leaving the breakfast table he had called Aman with precise instructions on what he needed to find out.


The news had not been good, but neither had it been too bad. Shyam had no family, a budding lawyer, he was trying to establish his practice in the Delhi civil court. What irked ASR were the cases Aman had dug up where the lawyer had skirted too near the edge of the law. Not broken the law, Aman had stressed, but when one took too much care to stay within the bounds of law, it was highly suspicious.

ASR had been worried, and had decided to talk to nani about it. But nani had talked about the growing apparent change in di. Her smile, that came more often. Her limp, that seems less pronounced. The vitality that seemed to exude from her after her meetings with Shyam.

Everyone liked him, that much ASR knew the minute he saw his family around Shyam. And di adored him. Over the course of the evening, his first visit to shantivan, Shyam had managed to make everyone laugh and reminisce over Lucknow. He had even insisted on making them a round of tea. And in all the hours whenever Anjali moved Shyam was always close to help her.


ASR had thought that is all that mattered.

He had obviously been grossly wrong. Right under his nose Shyam Manohar Jha had lived for three years. Managed to betray di.. and.. Khushi.

He had been driving blindly, not knowing where he went. Not caring. Swerving the steering wheel to the right the car narrowly avoided a ditch.

He slammed the breaks and came out. The confined space, and memories closing in on him, had made him claustrophic.

Marriage... he laughed.. Ma seemed to have believed in marriage.. She died because of it..

Still laughing uncontrollably.. He remembered his di dressed up as a bride the first time.. And then the second time she was a bride.. His di believed in marriage..

His body shuddered.. Khushi.. Who had so fiercely spoken in defense of the sanctity of a bond of marriage... he remembered her clearly.. Crying that day.. He had guessed it was because of her fianc.. The word made ASR breathe fire.. It had been shyam all along..

ASR had for the first time considered the possibility of marriage. Today. And today came the reminder.. It was all a farce..

khushi's dream was about to shatter too. Marriage ..

He let out a strangled cry into the dark night. And slumped against the car, his fingers running through his hair, down his face, in desperate frustration. No sound left him, but still the muted cry continued to echo into the darkness.

How was he supposed to protect his di? He had failed her.

Whatever was about to happen would only bring her tears. She did not want anything else in her life. Her world revolved around that swine. And no one had suspected the man's true colors. Not nani. And not her chote.

His eyes were red, nerves straining. He was not going to give in.

Life had always been his adversary. Today when he had let his guard down it had sneaked up upon him and laid this terrible blow. Now Arnav Singh Raizada was ready.

Abruptly, with full force, he banged against the door frame. The car seemed to shake at the impact. In his fight with this nameless ruthless enemy he had hurt the innocent messenger.

Where was Khushi?

****

It felt difficult to draw breath. If he stopped talking to her.. She .. She would .. A gaping hollow had settled in her chest.. If he didn't believe her she would not be able to breathe.. devi maiyya agar Arnavji humara vishwas nai karenge.. humari.. humari saasein hi ruk jayengi..


(if Arnavji does not believe in me.. my .. my very breath will stop)

A far off rumbling of thunder had started. A moment later, sure enough a drop of rain fell on her already drenched cheek.

Khushi looked at the black clouds overhead. They had hidden her amma babuji. Also Arnavji's amma. Khushi looked at the letter that was still clutched in her hand. Crumpled, a few water droplets already causing the ink to run. Arnavji's ma's letter.

With her dupatta Khushi tried to shield the paper. She stood up and looked towards her devi maiyya. Devi maiya was far off, inside the temple, but she was smiling benevolently. Khushi drew in a deep breath. She could not break down. She would go find Arnavji, jump through the Shantivan window if needed, but reach his room, and make him listen. She would..

All her thoughts came to a full stop as the skies suddenly seemed to open up and torrential rain poured down. With desperation Khushi ran up the stairs to the shelter of the temple. Then she peered out at the rain.

That night when she was cold and miserable in the parking lot, hating the laad governor, he had come out of nowhere and saved her from the approaching car.

When she had been all alone, stranded in the middle of the road praying for a miracle, even though he had been angry with her minutes ago, he had still come.

devi maiya aaj wo nahi aayenge.. despondent she thought. In tandem a white SUV screeched to a halt at the corner. She saw the flash light illuminate a narrow path.

With only one thought, she floated down the steps. He had opened the car door and stepped out.

She flew to him, flinging her arms around him.



****


He watched her lissome figure dash down the steps. Still in her lehenga, she looked like she was stepping right out of a living painting.

She hugged him with so much force that it almost caused him to lose balance. She was shorter than him. With her arms tightly wrapped around him she had to stand tip toe. Khushi felt soft.

He wanted to lose himself in her wet entangled hair. Would they be dense enough to hide him from the harsh reality?

"Arnavji humein maaf kar dijiye.. I ..", her voice was muffled. She wept inconsolably.

(Please forgive me)

"Khushi..", his voice broke, an unbearable pain taking over again.

She was still snuggled against him, her body shuddering in rhythm to her crying heart.

He could bear it no longer. He whisked her into his arms. The unexpectedness of the action muted her sobs temporarily. For an infinite moment, oblivious to the deluge, they looked at each other. Then slowly, in a gesture of homecoming, she raised her hand and clutched onto his shirt, right next to where his heart beat against his chest.

He strode to the SUV and gently placed her on the passenger seat. Her wet hair was splattered across her forehead. She looked fragile. If Shyam had succeeded in his ploy what would have happened to this girl? It enraged him to think how much danger Khushi had been in. And ASR had been unaware.

With a bang he shut the door and walked over to get in himself.

He revved up the engine. His hollow iris followed the slow periodic movement of the wiper across the windshield. The blade kept moving, valiantly trying to keep the rain away. The rain came from all directions, in heavy gusts. The wiper had to work incessantly, untiringly. It had an important function, make the way safe, and if it failed, the people inside would suffer.

ASR had failed. He had failed his di.

A light touch pulled him out of the inferno he had swiftly descended into. She looked at him anxiously.

None of this was her fault. He had already lost control once tonight and she had been alone, heartbroken , in the rain.

He willed himself to hold onto a shred of sanity. For the sake of the girl sitting next to him, shivering.

"I called your home and let Garima aunty know we are together." His voice sounded dead to his ears, but atleast he had managed to keep the torment hidden.

Taking him by surprise, she burst into tears. Alarmed, he slammed the breaks, and cupped her face.

"humein laga aap humse kabhi baat nai karenge.. hum.. hum aapke bina.."

(I thought you would never ever talk to me again.. without you..I..)

He kissed her then. Her lips eagerly sought him too, moving with an intense palpable need.

Their tongues slid against each other in a mad frenzy. Their breath intermingling. His hand held her in a fierce grip. He needed her.

He needed to assure himself she was for real. She was here with him. That this harsh world could have within it something as precious as this girl. That she was not a figment of fantasy that would waft away like the mirage of happiness. No, she was his... His Khushi...

He broke free of the kiss. Her eyes were still closed. He knew she was trying to catch her breath.

"We are getting married", was all he said.