Tuesday, May 27, 2014


My best friend, since as far back as I can remember, was my cousin really. Our grandparents were own siblings. I went to her house almost every alternate weekend or she came to mine. Hours spent playing house.. ghar ghar.. like we called it. Every Wednesday watch Hip Hip Hurray. The time of no mobile phones so we would hold on to the landline. If there was a powercut in one's house the other would relay what's going on. Sometimes as soon as she reached home I would be on the phone because I needed to tell her so much that had happened in the ten minute time span of leaving school and reaching home. She went away when I was in class 7 I think. Time of no emails. I wrote her letters. She came back when I was in class XI. Same school. Same she. Same me. We hardly ever spoke. 3 years later I got a new best friend.

Chronicles of Aarwen and LazyWiz

Eight years ago..
LazyWiz (Earnest looking straight at Aarwen) : You think you won't , but you surely will change..
Aarwen (Equally earnest. Forgotten to blink, staring right back) : You don't know me. I will not change..

I was the girl who had to be the best at everything I tried. (Except sports.. every year the entire class had to run to get selected for the final race. Every year I fell. Somewhere I gave up knowing running is not for me..and I wanted clean knees without scabs too much to continue trying to run without falling.) Today I want to give up work. Today I want to sit out in my backyard all day. Today I want to write. Maybe still want to be really good at it. But today it doesn't really matter if I ever write anything beyond the serial reviews I so love writing. As long as someone likes reading it. As long as I am happy writing it. I feel happy. 

Five years ago..
LazyWiz (Watching TV) : It's ok. Everyone changes.
Aarwen (Watching him): I have not. I won't.

Change is the only constant I have known..
                 - Quoted from an interview by Barun Sobti
P.S - If you are on this site most probably you know who he is. If not his movie releases on valentine's day next year. Go watch it.

A girl who had never stepped out of the house without her driver, so sheltered she was. Who was actually scared to go buy something from a store because she did not know how to grab the attention of the person standing behind the counter. A woman who managed to flood her living room because the washing machine pipe had not been placed where it should have been and she never thought of checking. A woman who just last week wiped off tomato puree from the kitchen ceiling as the mixie decided to go wild since she was too busy figuring out what the lawyer from the show, Suits, was saying, to pay attention to the grinding. She stood in the same kitchen with grocery she had bought on her own. Cooking food for her husband and his family all by her self. Nothing burnt, there was salt in the food, plates and glasses did not fall and break. In short everything went as she had planned. Oh the sense of accomplishment!

A year ago..
LazyWiz ( Driving. Looking ahead) : I told you. You will change.
Aarwen (Tensed. Looking ahead) : I cannot change.

I thought I am like Khushi Kumari Gupta. Excited, talkative, loving chaos. I wanted an elder sister just so I could be Madhuri from Hum Aapke Hain Kaun. I went to my elder cousin sister's wedding and spent all my time hiding from people. Nice to watch from far, but torture to be part of the crowd. People unnerve me. Quite ASR like, would rather be left with my laptop alone. No small talk. No excitement. Silence. With one special someone want to talk non stop. With one the thoughts I need to voice out loud never end. I was told I would make a great Technical Program Manager (a job title that included meetings). Apparently am a people's person or so everyone in my office thinks. I refused and became a Software Development Engineer ( a job title that hopefully only has coding and no pointless meeting new people and talking). Recluse. Is it possible that the girl who wanted the star role in Hum Aapke Hain Kaun would rather be the lead in Highway instead?

Few days ago..
Aarwen (Wringing hands, worried expression) : I think I have changed..
LazyWiz (Slowly moves a pawn forward on the laptop screen) : umm..hmm..interesting..

Change..I have been worried. But there is a post on Cynthia's blog which says..  I don't change ..  I just become more myself..

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